Thought Provoking Question #3

“We must conquer life

by living it to the full,

and then we can go meet

death with a certain prestige.” 

                                                                                   ― Aleister Crowley 

                                                                               Diary of a Drug Fiend

Old, Gray, and Gay 

On his ninetieth birthday the British House of Lords held a special session to honor Sir Winston Churchill. As he descended the stairs, one Lord whispered to another, "They say he’s getting senile." Churchill stopped, turned, and snapped, "They also say he’s deaf!"  

Ageism and Stereotypes - One of the fastest growing fields in psychology is behavioral gerontology, the study of psychological aspects of aging and the elderly. At the beginning of this century about 3 percent of the U.S. population was over age 65. Today the figure is 13%, and by the year 2030 nearly 25% of the U.S. population will be over age 65. In fact, more people will be over age 65 than under age 20, a dramatic reversal. Our society values growth, strength, and physical appearance and worships youthfulness. To many the enemy is "getting old," a process marked by signs of decline and weakness. Many fear getting old worse than death itself. Ageism, or prejudice against older people, is prevalent in our society, which further perpetuates the problem.  

Many myths about sex drive, loss of vision, hearing, and overall stamina are based more on folklore than sound empirical evidence. For example, there is the myth that "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." In other words, the elderly can't learn new tasks or use new technological tools. Computers are a good example. The fact is that the elderly can and do learn new tasks, and can learn to use new tools such as computers. Research has shown that while it is true the elderly may not learn as quickly as younger people, they more than make up for it by their ability to see the whole picture, to utilize their wisdom and global viewpoint--an ability often lacking in younger learners. Additionally, if teaching and training techniques are varied, their ability to learn is further enhanced. In a society that values youth and views aging as the enemy, is it any wonder that many older Americans trap themselves into roles of living "half-dead" lives? Consider how can you prevent that from happening in your life and in the lives of others?  

Old and Gay - What first comes to mind when you think about older gay men and lesbians, and the quality of their later lives? If the mental picture is one of unhappy, old, and alone, you share a stereotypic view held by many people. The data, surprising as it might be, simply does not support this stereotype. Older gays seem to plan better for old age, both financially, and in developing a supportive network of friends and comrades. As a group, lesbians and gays tend to be highly educated, and this may account for their higher level of resilience than in the heterosexual community. However, other research indicates that their high resilience may be due to having weathered the trials, tribulations, and adversities of being a discriminated class of people. Such adversities have helped them fare better in handling loss. For many, the multiple losses of partners and friends due to AIDS, has fortified them for some of the further perils of aging in America. For both gay and non-gay older Americans, poverty and health related issues are the real determinants of quality of life in the later years.  

On the question of sexuality, many think of older gay men who are still sexually active as "dirty old men," but this stereotype is just an outgrowth of the prevailing view that your parents probably don’t have sex anymore, and your grandparents for sure don’t. Sex is considered a young thing, and older adults wanting it, lecherous. This is incorrect. Among older gays, as among older adults in general, sexuality is ever present. One study found that older homosexual males match or exceed comparable groups in the general population on a measure of life satisfaction. Furthermore, in spite of a change to fewer sexual partners, 75% of those surveyed viewed their sexual lives as quite satisfactory. Another study of over 4,000 gay men found similar levels of sexual activity and social interactions, regardless of age. There does appear to be a higher degree of ageism among some gays themselves. Their emphasis on youthfulness appears to be even more pronounced than in straight society. Another painful issue shared by all elderly, is the "nursing home" rut. Sexual expression still is viewed as unacceptable in the nursing home industry. The problem is most acute for gay nursing home patients, where homophobia and prejudice derail gay sexual expression in an already bleak setting.  

Lesbian couples, on the other hand, fare better in many regards. First, they enjoy relationships with partners who will, from a statistical point of view, live to about the same age; whereas mortality rates vary by as much as 7 years, on average, between men and women. The quality of life for any older person is enhanced by the presence of a partner. Also, should they lose a partner or endure a breakup, lesbians will find a greater pool of potentially eligible partners, something less available for gay men and straight women. Additionally, whereas lesbians tend to pair up more closely age-wise, older gay men tend to want younger men. On the downside, lesbians face difficulties in securing health care due to discrimination, fewer resources, and inappropriate questioning by health care professionals since many lesbians conceal their sexuality. Such experiences result in fewer medical follow-ups for lesbians and thus, there is a higher level of health-related problems. What are your thoughts nowabout older gay people?  

[This article is by Dr. J. Davis Mannino and originally appeared in the community newspaper We The People. All Rights Reserved by the author.]