Thought Provoking Question #5

                                                   Life is stressful, dear.

That's why they say "rest in peace.” 

                                                      ― David Mazzucchelli

Positivism in Caregiving Someone with a Life-Threatening Disease 

Every picture counts and I have two types of pictures in mind, two types I want to discuss with you. First is the picture in your head, the type we think about, see and act upon and the second one is the picture we take with a camera. Let's discuss the second one, the one we take with a camera, place in photo albums and share with friends.  

With so many cases of HIV and other potentially life-threatening diseases present in today's world, few of us have been spared the role of caregiver to a person in some way or other--even if its just a visit to a sick or hospitalized friend and loved one.  

In addition to all the other ramifications of "coming down with AIDS," is the negative shot to ones ego of lost weight, lost muscle tone, paleness and other not so glamorous features associated with just plain being sick and feeling miserable. Over the years of working with nearly 400 AIDS patients since 1982 I've found that some hospitalized or home-bound patients have actually declined visitors because they were embarrassed by their appearance.  

But this doesn't have to be the case if friends and loved ones would help out by bringing in that favorite photo of their friend or lover before they became sick---you know the one with them laughing, smiling, dressed in their favorite outfits, and just plain looking great! I remember when I went to visit my hospitalized brother sick with AIDS in 1983. I brought along a photo of him I had from a Summer at Fire Island when he was tan, happy and "buffed" from just being alive, Gay, proud and pumping iron! I posted it near his bed. How that photograph lifted my brother Gary's spirits. We can all do the same for those we care about.  

Upbeat, humorous, and loving photos also provide another function for that ill friend or lover. These pictures serve to provide those ill, with a positive health goal, namely to return to their former healthy self. Common sense should tell us that nothing helps better then positive reinforcement. A "positive photo" just might be some of that positive reinforcement we speak of.  

Speaking of positivism lets get back to that second picture I spoke of in my opening paragraph. You know, the one in our heads. Here's an exercise we can all use. I call it CVB. The "C" stands for Cognition or thoughts, the "V" stands for Visualization, and the "B" stands for our Behavior. You might also use this exercise for any goal, whether it is to become more human and whole, to achieve some exercise or diet target, or to just change some negative habit or such behavior.  

Let's use an example---say, a better outlook on life. In front of a mirror practice by thinking: "I'm physically healthy, calm, loving and worthy." Say the words over a few times until you have the positive sentence down pat. This is called Cognitive Restructuring---a fifty-cent term for thinking positive thoughts in some area of your life you want to change. Next see yourself, visualize yourself acting out these words. For the physically healthy part of your sentence you might see yourself jogging or working out at the gym. Do this with each of the positive words in your sentence. Lastly walk away from the mirror acting and believing what you just said and saw in your mind. Give it a try. Practice makes perfect!  

Remember whether in your head or on the nightstand, every picture counts!  

[This article is by Dr. J. Davis Mannino and originally appeared in the community newspaper We The People. All Rights Reserved by the author.]