Grammar assignment: Writing concise sentences due: July 8

Answer Key: Suggested revisions (posted after assignment due date)

As most of your professional writing (about 95%) will be email messages, one of your top writing goals should be crafting brief and concise emails. This includes, writing shorter paragraphs around 3-5 sentences and more concise sentences.  Concise sentences are those that do not include filler words or trite and cliche business phrases. Some examples include: Due to the fact, pursuant to, in light of, bring home the bacon, working your fingers to the bone, overuse of there is/there are. Concise sentences should also be written in plain and familiar language. For example, use the word photo, picture or image instead of illustration.

We will practice throughout the rest of this class writing clear and concise sentences, and well-organized paragraphs. I will typically give feedback for writing more concisely in your written assignments, and you will be helping your class peers (during peer review) to write more concise sentences. 

Directions: For this assignment you will complete two writing activities 1) Re-writing wordy sentences into concise sentences and 2) Organizing a paragraph to increase organization of sentences and flow.

1) Re-write each sentence below by eliminating wordiness. Look for long lead-ins, redundancies, clichés, noun conversions, needless repetition, and other wordy constructions. Submit via this assignment page. 

1. This is to inform you that a great percentage of employees are of the opinion that it is preferable to save their money in the event that they may want to retire early.

2. The vice president solicited the directors for their input concerning a request that was made by the manager for information regarding the utilization of teleconferencing.

3. She finally made up her mind to go back to school and work toward the completion of her degree.

4. In spite of the fact that it’s a longer commute, I made the decision to take them up on the job they offered me.

5. The boss said she would return in a short time and deal with the problem in production.

6. The new outlet that will sell sporting goods will be built in close proximity to three major routes of transportation.

7. It is my intention to make a request for a promotion.

8. There have been some complaints on the part of customers who made the statements that their orders were sent to wrong addresses.

9. We have reached the conclusion that because the CEO failed to plan in advance for the price change, the company lost in excess of $3.5 million.

10. I was unable to complete the assembly of the brochures due to the fact that the photocopier broke down.

11. The consultant made a promise that the new instructions for using the software would not be incorrect.

12. Before making a choice of the proposed location for the new offices, we must make an economic assessment of the advantages of a variety of sites available.

13. If you are able to complete this project ahead of schedule, please advise me at your earliest convenience.

14. We do not have the expectation of hiring any new staff members in the foreseeable future.

15. He said that he had made an application to the board in January for a sufficient amount of funds to make a purchase of three computers.

 2) Revise the following paragraph to improve the organization, coherence, conciseness and correctness.

We feel that the "extreme" strategy has not been developed fully in the fast-food market. Pizza Hut is considering launching a new product called The Extreme. We plan to price this new pizza at $19.99. It will be the largest pizza on the market. It will have double the cheese. It will also have double the toppings. The plan is to target gen-zers because pizza is their favorite food. This same target audience that would respond to an extreme product also reacts to low prices. Gen-zers are the fastest growing segment in the fast-food market, and they have responded weel to other marketing plans using the extreme strategy.