11.1 - Overview
Death & Adults

Epictetus (55-135 BCE) was a Greek Stoic philosopher who believed that one should act in life as one would at a banquet, that is, by taking a polite portion of all that was offered at the table of life. Epictetus also had a notable quote about death too. "Do you think that death will somehow fail to catch us all, no matter what we are doing? ... What do you want to be doing when it catches you? ... If you have anything you believe is more important to have done or be doing when death comes, get to work on that."

The purpose of Homework Assignment #11 is to: (a) provide you with an appreciation and understanding that death, dying, and grief have in the lives of adults and, (b) to provide you with "hands on experience" in learning how adults deal with life-threatening experiences in their own lives, cope as survivors, and deal with both change and loss. Topics include both parental and spousal bereavement.

Caution - Please keep in mind, that while minimum length is suggested for each task assignment, a length of several times the minimum is generally necessary to obtain good to exceptional grades. Always be sure to weave in solid scholarship, as evidenced from the text and Website readings, and be certain to "compare and contrast" what you have learned. This will help to assure me that you in fact are learning each week. Thank you.

11.2 - Using The Internet To Conduct Psych Research
Researching Thanatology

Theme - In this "Internet Research Project," you are to seek out one of the following: (a) a scientific journal article, (b) a national media article or, (c) a Website that discusses, provides a fact sheet, or reports other such findings.

Task - Using one or more of the above resources, discuss some aspect of death, dying, loss, grief and change in the lives of adults. Such topics might include loss of a parent or a spouse. Loss of a newborn or older child is an important topic as well. How abortion is a perceived as a loss might be a fine topic too. Your report is to be in the form of a "discussion paper" of at least one to three typed, double-spaced pages.

You are urged to use the Internet exclusively, though you may use Doyle Library or other such "land-based" resources.

Commentary - In Mark Twain's (1835–1910) Autobiography, edited by Charles Neider (1959), Twain writes of the death of his daughter Susie Clemens of meningitis on August 18, 1896. He explains how "a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live. . . . It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss." He further goes on to write of his personal loss, by using the metaphor of losing one's home. "A man’s house burns down. The smoking wreckage represents only a ruined home that was dear through years of use and pleasant associations. By and by, as the days and weeks go on, first he misses this, then that, then the other thing. And when he casts about for it he finds that it was in that house. Always it is an essential— there was but one of its kind. It cannot be replaced. It was in that house. It is irrevocably lost. . . . It will be years before the tale of lost essentials is complete, and not till then can he truly know the magnitude of his disaster."

Helping one's partner deal with grief when they lose someone close to them, such as a parent, sibling, or close friend, may be a difficult time, as the story about Mark Twain shows. One may not understand the depth of their grief. Learning how to utilize both patience and strategies for helping your partner lessen their grief is truly one of the great blessings of being in a loving relationship.

The link that follows takes you to resources that deal with the many different aspects of loss in the lives of adults.

Resources for Caregivers of Aging, Dying, and Death

Doyle Library Electronic Databases

11.3 - Psychology Based Websites
Using Internet Tools To Learn About Death and Dying

Task - For the following psychologically oriented Website, report back what you learned from exploring any one of the many sub-categories listed. A tighly written paragraph--or better yet a typed, double-spaced page--sharing what you learned and what your reactions were, would be most appreciated.

Professor's Favorite Section: The following link is a good all around general link to death and dying. The second and third links provide you with good insights into two particular types of losses in adult lives. The first is the loss of a parent, and the second, is the loss of a sibling.

Death and Dying Resources

Loss of a Parent

Loss of a Sibling

11.4 - Reading Assignment - Chapter 11
"Death in the Lives of Adults"

Your primary textbooks include The Last Dance (10th ed.) by Lynne Ann DeSpelder and Albert Lee Strickland (New York: McGraw, 2014) and Grieving Days, Healing Days, by J. Davis Mannino (San Francisco, California: TeddyBear Publishing, 2013).

PRIMARY READINGS

As you read Chapter 11, "Death in the Lives of Adults," you should keep in mind the following key questions and core concepts.

CONTENT OVERVIEW

1. The death of a child places considerable stress on the marital relationship; thus, it is important to be aware of ways to minimize potential conflict between grieving parents and to promote positive interactions that aid in coping with the tragedy of a child's death.

2. Childbearing losses typically involve the additional stress of the parent's not having an opportunity to get to know the child as a person. This sense of grief for an "unlived life" is rarely recognized in the bereaved parent's social milieu, reinforcing the mourner's perception that his or her loss is neither understood nor acknowledged.

3. Bereavement support can be very helpful to parents who experience childbearing loss. Support programs typically offer a variety of mechanisms for recognizing and affirming the loss, thereby facilitating healthy coping by the bereaved parent.

4. A parent's death can have a lasting impact as the bereaved adult child mourns the loss of the special bond that had been shared with the deceased parent. The death of a parent can also evoke a "developmental push" as parentally bereaved adults no longer think of themselves as children.

5. Spousal bereavement often follows years of shared experience and mutual commitment; the death of a mate can disrupt the very meaning of the surviving partner's existence. The transition from being a couple to being single can be especially difficult when the surviving spouse is also a parent, because it involves the added burden of making a transition to single parenthood.

6. The death of a close friend is a significant loss that can evoke grief similar to that experienced following the death of a relative. For older adults, friendships are sometimes more important than family relationships. Yet there are few socially sanctioned opportunities to openly mourn the death of a friend.

7. In the later years of life, the processes of aging can result in a variety of debilitating conditions that are experienced as losses of various kinds. The older person may require assistance with many activities of daily life. The need for appropriate and economical care is a matter of concern not only to older people and their relatives, but to society as a whole.

OBJECTIVES

1. To identify the kinds of losses experienced in adulthood.

2. To identify factors associated with death and the college student.

3. To identify the factors influencing grief in response to the death of a friend.

4. To describe the factors influencing the response to the death of a parent.

5. To distinguish the characteristics of parental bereavement and to identify the types of support available.

6. To compare and contrast the emotional responses to childbearing loss; miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, neonatal death, sudden infant death syndrome, and the loss of the "perfect" child.

7. To identify the factors influencing grief in response to the death of an older or adult child.

8. To describe the factors influencing spousal bereavement and to summarize the types of social support available.

9. To summarize the physiological and psychological changes that typically occur with aging.

KEY TERMS AND CONCEPTS

adoption loss
childbearing loss
compression of morbidity
developmental push
geriatrics
gerontology
induced abortion
infertility
maturity
metacrises
miscarriage
mizuko
morbidity
neonatal death
postneonatal death
reframing
senescence
spontaneous abortion
sterility
stillbirth
sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)
symbolic loss
widowhood
wished-for child

QUESTIONS FOR GUIDED STUDY AND EVALUATION

1. Explain how loss relates to each psychosocial stage of adulthood.

2. Describe why the death of a child may evoke a high-grief response from parents.

3. Explain why difficulties may occur in coping as a couple with parental bereavement.

4. Distinguish between parental bereavements related to miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, neonatal death, sudden infant death syndrome, and the death of an older child. Point out the kinds of peer support available for these losses.

5. Explain what is meant by the phrase “grief for unlived lives.”

6. Describe the factors affecting grief in response to the death of a parent.

7. Describe the factors affecting grief in response to spousal bereavement.

8. Discuss the factors influencing grief in response to the death of a friend.

9. Define senescence and describe how it applies to the various categories of older adults.

10. Identify at least three positive meanings of growing old.

RELATED LINK

American novelist and anti-slavery campaigner Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811–1896), in Little Foxes (1865), wrote "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." Therefore, it is important to both do right and say right by those we love and care for, as we never know when we may lose them. Such is the case of traumatic deaths. The following Website provides assistance to those coping with violent death.

Task - Provide at minimum, a half-page, typed, and double-spaced reaction to what you discover and learned at this Website.

Dealing with Sudden or Violent (Traumatic) Death

STUDY FLASHCARDS

in this section you will find a practice quiz for each assigned textbook chapter in The Last Dance. The quiz is presented in the form of "Flashcards." You can even control some of the options in using these "Flashcards" quizzes. If this is your first time using "Flashcards," take a few minutes to experiment with them so as to maximize your benefit from their use.

Psych 56 - Chapter #11 Quiz - Death & AdultsCATE quizzes/tests/exams must be separately migrated to Canvas

11.5 - "Grieving Days, Healing Days" - The Workbook
Learning Through "Hands-On" Doing

Overview

Grieving Days, Healing Days, is an interactive workbook written by Dr. J. Davis Mannino, 2013 (Formerly, Boston: Simon & Schuster, 1996). It is required for this course, because specific pages in the workbook are assigned as part of each homework assignment that you chose to complete.

Assignments to complete in Grieving Days, Healing Days will be listed in this section for each of the 16 homework assignments. Generally speaking, assignments are due by the assigned date. This workbook is loaded with readings, exercises, and activities that will enhance your learning of many important topics in the study of death and dying --- a field that is better known as "thanatology."

It is also important to remember that certain workbook pages will be required reading for assignments that you choose to complete. Therefore, always review and read workbook readings for each of the homework assignments you choose to complete as part of the course requirement. Choose assignments that fulfill your overall course requirement from GDHD.

This Assignments's Task

1. Review Grieving Days, Healing Days, and become familiar with it.

2. At minimum, read and complete ANY THREE of the following assignments in Grieving Days, Healing Days. This only applies to those HW assignments you are completing as part of the course requirement. They may also be credited towards your overall course workbook requirement as well. Please note that all online homework assignments must, at minimum, still be read and reviewed.

Color of Life, p. 10
Life Expectancy Questionnaire, p. 13
Aging and Lifespan Development, p. 59
Ageism and Stereotypes, p. 60
Attitudes on Aging, p. 62
All in the Family, p. 133
Loss of a Pet, p. 181

"Death At Age 25 - Blogging The End of Life"

11.6 - Course Message Board
This Week's Thought Provoking Article

Overview - The purpose of a course message board is to allow students and professor an opportunity to interact about topics of common interest. A message board is also a fine tool to share commonly asked questions, answers and concerns.

You are urged to use the message board, when you have questions that you think others may wish to know; when you have technical questions or answers that others may wish to know, and to share other useful tidbits with each other. I want each of you to become familiar with the message board system.

Once you have composed your thoughts and written them down in a word application program [i.e., Microsoft word] --- with grammar and spell check--- you must then click on the "Message Board" icon in the "Navigational Toolbar" and follow through with posting (copy and pasting) them. Remember, to be sure you also post your comments in the appropriate place in the task boxes that follows later in this assignment IF you are also submitting this ENTIRE assignment as one of your required four online assignments for the semester.

Task - In each class module, there will be one thought-provoking course related question or article for which discussion is expected from students. While not always related to assigned readings, they have important course-wide implications. You are expected to respond to each question by the end of each class module. Be sure to place the question/article number (#) in the "subject line" so your classmates will know which module topic you are addressing.

Since there is only one "thought-provoking question or article " (TPQ) due per module during the regular semester, a minimum response of 200 to 225 words is required for each message board TPQ posting. Also, students need to post a TPQ for EACH of the 15 online assignments.

This Assignment's Thought Provoking Question or Article #11

Life After Losing a Partner: Working Your Heart Back to Life

American journalist Helen Rowland (1875–1950), in the "Widows" section of her book A Guide to Men (1922), wrote "A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty,
the tang of practised coquetry, and the halo of one man’s approval." And so we begin again.

Damian cried out, "Oh help me Maria I’m dying!" These are words on the low rung of grief’s ladder. Damian was not dying, only crying out to his partner Maria who had died some weeks earlier. Returning to life after the loss of beloved partner or spouse is a difficult task.

Through her many years of work, Elizabeth Kuber-Ross noted psychological reactions in persons who were dying. In particular, she organized a theoretical mode of five stages. (1) dying - "not me," (2) Anger- "Why me?," (3) Bargaining - "Yes me, but...," (4) depression, "Yes, it’s me," and (5) Acceptance - "OK, I accept it’s me." Kuber-Ross’ stages have been misused over the years. She and others have always known that people don’t die in such neat stages. But her theory does give us a framework of what to expect. That is helpful after a death. Others have built on this important framework by including "phases of mourning" and "tasks of mourning."

John Bowlby, as far back as 1961, proposed that mourning involved four phases: (1) shock and numbness, (2) yearning and searching, (3) disorganization and despair, and (4) reorganization. These phases are important in a overall process called realization. That means making one’s inner psychic world accept what has already happened in the outer world---the death of one’s beloved partner.

More recently, Willam J. Wooden in 1991, proposed that mourning must be understood in terms of "tasks to accomplish." His four tasks include: (1) to accept the reality of the loss, (2) to work through the pain of grief, (3) to adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing, and (4) to emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with life.

But how does one take these theories and apply them to the real work of personal pain and suffering after a loss of something so significant and important as a partner? What follows are my five steps for working your heart back to life.

1. Structure Loneliness. Loneliness is the bogeyman of loss. Most people know the value of keeping busy, but few know how to manage that loneliness, especially in the evenings. Inviting close friends over for support is useful. Schedule your weeks after the loss with things to do. Keep readily available self-help books on loss, grief, and mourning. Bookstores have whole sections on loss. Take solace in meditative books and grief tapes, books, and other music. Keep a journal for your loneliest moments and don’t forget reflective time to think and inquire. If you have pets enjoy them more. Take walks and garden with your hands in the soil. Don’t hesitate to seek counseling and medication for the early stages of your grief. Embrace life more.

2. Accept Others’ Help. What are friends for? Reach out and let those around you help. Research has shown again and again that people what to help those who have lost a loved one. It is something they can actually do in an otherwise horrific situation. Don’t be stoic! Arrange for your family and friends to help you set up a calendar of events and evenings out. Tell them you will be sad and cry at times. Working with and utilizing those around you can be an incredible source of comfort and unity. Accept as many invitations as you can and use the telephone, write email, surf the web, and write letters. Take walks with others and stop to chat. Remember there are may support group services available for loss in your community. In Sonoma County, California where I live, these resources include Face-To-Face and Home Hospice of Sonoma among others.

3. Make Wise but Minimal Decisions. Don’t make hasty decisions. You don’t need to sell the home, move to Hawaii, or give your late partner’s possessions to Good Will. The first few months are not a time to start over, but rather a time to freshen up from where you’re already at. Take whatever practical help is around. A trusted lawyer and friends can be the best advisors your can have. Run most of your decisions by your trusted counsel and be sure to spend extra time on your diet, nutrition, health, and sleep needs. Grieving is very fatiguing, so exercise and sleep. If you can’t sleep at least rest. Relaxation techniques are well proven in their usefulness during periods of grief and mourning. Put some new energy into your career, education, and growth goals as a human being.

4. A Note on Faith. I’ve never really met anyone who didn’t believe in anything. Begin a dialogue with god. Reach out to a congregation near you. It has been my impression working with many sick and dying people, that god, however your see god, does not get angry because you only come to them when you are in need. Stick your head in a place of worship and at least see how it feels. Find solace in healing books and soothing classics. Ask those you know who have strong faith to give you some pointers. Spiritual awareness is like a friendship, you need to work on it and to nurture it.

5. Leave the Baggage of Regrets Behind. Don’t look back at regrets. Leave that psychological baggage behind. Cherish what was good from the memories of your relationship. Perhaps you did make mistakes, perhaps you did shut down on communication while your partner was alive or was dying. We all make mistakes and will continue to. Find closure. One of my favorites is to write a letter expressing all the things you wanted to say to your loved one but didn’t. When you finish, tie it to a piece of floatable wood and send it down a river---the Russian River is perfect where I live. You can even burn it and scatter the ashes to the wind or into the ocean. You loved one will hear!

I know these five points will be helpful to you, if you will use and follow them. They are based on many years of research and practice. Remember to be gentle, peaceful, and patient with yourself as you move through grief and mourning. In time, the power in each of us grants us peace, love, and exciting new beginnings. I have never seen it fail. Love burns eternal.

[This article is by J. Davis Mannino and originally appeared in the community newspaper We The People. All Rights Reserved by the author.]
CATE Message Lists are not available in Canvas

Once you have composed your "thoughtful response," you may wish to go directly to the "Message Board" to review other students' comments, responses, and discussion as well as your own. That link is found in the "Navigational Toolbar" at top of the course webpage. Just click on the icon that says: "Message Board."

11.7 - Death: A Personal Understanding
Video #10: The Good Death

Welcome to a new video feature for my online course.   

It is a very fascinating series by the world-renowned Annenberg Media Series. This video instructional series on death and dying is intended for college classrooms and adult learners. It is a 10 part series of half-hour video programs that focus on death and its many facets.   Gain a greater understanding of death and dying through case studies and moving personal stories of people facing their own death or the death of a loved one. This series explores a wide range of North American cultural perspectives on death within the context of current issues, including AIDS, death by violence, suicide, assisted suicide, hospice care, end-of-life decision making, and how children react to death. Leading authority Robert J. Kastenbaum guides you sensitively through these topics. This series is appropriate for courses in allied health, psychology, sociology, religion, and death studies.  

Directions Note: When you arrive at the website, click the video icon you wish to view that says "VoD" [Video on Demand] and then when the "pop-up box" opens, click on the start arrow. Keep in mind that with "streaming videos," some of the film [buffering] must load so it can take up to a minute to load and sometimes it helps if you click on the start arrow again in the "pop-up box." Once you get the hang of it, you will find they all work the same, though with some quirky moments at times. You can also click on an icon in the video box allowing you to enlarge the video as to fill your entire screen. Just click on the "esc" button on our keyboard to leave the "large view" format.   

TASK: When done thoroughly reviewing this video prepare a reaction statement (about 250 words) in Task Box 11.7 (located at the end of this webpage).

Closed Captioning Note: For my students with disability challenges, there is a "closed captioning" option with this series. As you watch this video, after start up, click in the upper right hand side of the screen and you will see a icon that shows whether the captioning is on or off. To turn it on, click on it and you will see the on off switch change. I find I like watching the videos with captioning on as I have some hearing problems and I can catch everything everyone is saying especially if they are not talking clearly.   "Death: A Personal Understanding" - The Series Link

Video #10 - The Good Death

Should we help people die, or force them to live? What constitutes a good death? Perspectives from native North American culture and urban medical ethicists provide background as we meet a woman facing death from breast cancer and a young family with a terminally ill infant. The special grief long-term caregivers can fall into is also discussed as we discover the ways that the dying can help to heal the living.

"Death: A Personal Understanding" - The Series Link

11.8 - Automated Task Assignment Page
Compose This Week's Assignment Tasks Here

Overview - Each week there is a homework assignment that must be completed. Every homework assignment has several tasks. Some entail reading, some include exploring and reviewing Websites, and still others involve written tasks--work that must be submitted for review and/or grading.

Responses to "tasks" must be sent on time or you will either fail the assignment or be penalized. Assignments that are repeated or late will result in a "warning," after you submit them, advising you they were late or are a repeated submission--this is automatically done. Late homework assignments are perceived as both "absent from class" and "late work." Please always maintain a backup copy of all your written work. Glitches occur in technology-based education, but ultimately it is your responsibility to maintain adequate backup of all work submitted. You are also encouraged to compose your work within a word-processing application and then "copy and paste" it to this page. This is so you may avail yourself of spell and grammar check options provided in most modern word processing software.

Please be aware that all submissions are automatically received by the course "gradebook," where they will be shown as either a "grade" " or checked in" by the presence of a check mark. Exceptions include late or repeated submissions, which must first be evaluated by your instructor for acceptance, rejection, or acceptance with penalty. So make sure your work received is promptly. Much the same way that attendance is determined by you presence in the traditional classroom at the regularly designated class time, so too is attendance determined by your prompt submission of assignments while enrolled in an online course. Furthermore, arriving to class without homework or with incomplete homework is also perceived in the same manner with an online course. Accordingly, you are encouraged to submit you weekly work prior to deadlines, to avoid computer glitches, "downtime," and other "technological spills and inconveniences."

Directions - Each numbered task box listed below corresponds with tasks described in each week's homework assignment. Usually, tasks outlined on this automated page require some written reaction or response.

Be sure to follow directions carefully and precisely when completing each task. "A word to the wise!" Minimal work receives a minimal grade. For example, if a task asks that you provide a written paragraph or two, and you provide just that, then you have provided only minimal work. Simply said, minimal work is "C" work.

Well thought out writing that exceeds both excellence and minimal length requirements is, generally speaking, graded higher and indicative of a "good and solidly motivated student." However length in of itself does not assure quality either, so learn to strike a balance. Good luck!

Module #11 - Psych 56CATE quizzes/tests/exams must be separately migrated to Canvas

Copyrighted 1999 - 2016 - Dr. J. Davis Mannino - All Rights Reserved - DrMannino@aol.com

Assignment Feedback Form - Online Psych 56CATE quizzes/tests/exams must be separately migrated to Canvas

Distance Education office at Santa Rosa Junior College, Santa Rosa, CA USA